If you touch these games you have more balls than Lance Armstrong...of course, you probably do regardless...

It is the first weekend of pro football and it is a big week. Before the weekend games, there will be a write up for most games. I generally don’t like to do too much early in the season because there are too many unknowns. I generally won’t touch games with two horrendous teams…see NO at Cleveland week one…and thus won’t spend the time to analyze them. I will break these games down as don't touch, intriguing and rated plays. They will be in three separate posts. Here are the games as I see them…after I figure what I think the lines are, I go to "The Man" and find out how close I was and find the nuggets...these games have more junk in them the the nuggets found at McD's:

Miami at Pittsburgh

Miami is visiting the Defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday night to kick off the season. Big Ben decided to have his appendix removed and will thus miss at least the first week. The only good news from this is that he has a long time before his second game the following Monday night at Jax. I have to admit that I heard the Defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers were favored by 3 and that now it is at a pick ‘em game. Charlie “Whipping Up A” Batch is a respectable backup…assuming he can play for a whole game without getting hurt. He won two games last year while Big Ben was out…and those ended up being two huge wins. Hines Ward appears to be set to take to the field…and this guru had no doubt from the beginning.

The word about this game is that Ben is out and the vaunted Miami D will cause all kinds of problems for Batch…they were a middle of the road D last year at best. I am not seeing what they did to upgrade this questionable D. If Batch can have a workmanlike effort and NOT make mistakes, I still think the Defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers win. Home opener, prime time in Pittsburgh, Super Bowl ceremonies…all this equals big emotion…big crowd participation…and ultimately a big Defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers victory. I wouldn’t touch the game with Ben out. Line should be a pick ‘em or small Steeler line (1 or 2)…I would put the over/under around 37 and again generally would not touch this side of the bet in an emotional game. “The Man” has the line as a pick ‘em and total at 34.5 – final analysis is stay away…

Ravens @ TB

The Baltimore(ons) Ravens hit the road the first game of the year and rumor has it McNair hasn’t missed a practice yet and “The Boot” is not making the trip. TB has put its eggs in Phil Simms basket…uh, I mean Chris. This will be a first early big test for the young Simms as the man. I personally think the Ravens D will have one last prideful stand and their offense will be much better this year. Of course, TB wasn’t the best D in the land for nothing. This will be a heavy does of Cadillac and ball control. I think McNair and the Ravens will come out guns blazing, hoping to show the NFL their new offense with a legitimate QB.

You have to like the home team in games like this. The talent is very similar on both sides of the ball and both teams are coming in relatively healthy. All reports are that Jamal Lewis will be ready as will Mason. I would put this line at TB by 4 based on home field advantage and the over/under at a small 35. I would not touch either of these in week one, but I think TB wins the game out of the gate. “The Man” has this line at TB by 3 and the total at 34 - damn I’m good…again, stay away…

Buffalo @ NE

The Pats have invited Just Punt Losman and the Buffalo Bills to play on Sunday. The Pats and Sweat Shirt Bill will dominate this game from the first snap…Buffalo played the Pats tough on the road last year then got demolished at home…the difference you may ask between the road game and home game…that is right Just Punt Losman played at home and Kelly Kelly Kelly K.E.L.L.Y. Kelly Kelly Kelly Holcomb played in NE…JP is the man to start for the Bills…enough said.

I am guessing this line will be high – NE giving 9 and the over/under around 42…I wouldn’t touch this game to start the season…usually “The Man” puts high numbers on games like this…if I had any faith in JP, then I would go over any number over 40…but I am not sure they will score…”The Man” has the line at NE -9 and the total at 39 – honestly folks, I did not look at these lines before posting them…that is how damn good I really am…stay away from this game in case Just Punt Losman decides to learn how to play late in the game…I hate the backdoor cover…

Philly @ Houston

Houston we have a problem…Dominack Davis is out, but look who is coming to dinner. Ron Dayne has been reunited with his O-coordinator, Kubiak, from last year…and the love-fest is spewing…Gary is so lucky to have him…and Ron just couldn’t imagine playing anywhere else…BLAH!!!...this is like watching one of those bad prime time soaps my wife tries to make me watch instead of football…I have a message for Houston…if the former Heisman Trophy winning Ron Dayne is that important to your team, then you probably aren’t going to be very good…it’s true, it’s true…Brokeback Mountain has nothing on these guys…

The Eagles are heading to Texas and appear to be healthy…Westbrook looks like he will be back. I think the Eagles are going to surprise people…and I really like the addition of Stallworth…nothing like a trip to Houston to get rolling through the season…

The Texans are devoid of talent on offense, but their D is very suspect. I see the Eagles being an early road favorite (giving 3?), which I hate…I am guessing the over/under will be in the low 40’s…overall, I would stay away from this game unless these numbers are way off…”The Man” has the line at Philly -5.5 and the total at 37 – I do not like this line at all…I want to see Philly do something before I jump completely on the bandwagon…I don’t think you can go from 6 – 10 to giving 5.5 points early in the season…to anyone…

NO @ Cleveland

The first pillow fight of the year will take place in Cleveland when they play host to the NO Aints…what better way to get Charlie Frye acclimated to being the starter than inviting the ineptness that is the Aints D…Brees should add some credibility to the Aints offense…and there are some weapons there. The big question in my mind is whether his shoulder is really healed. He didn’t look bad in the preseason, but it seemed his passes lacked a zip to them…I think neutral Switzerland has a better defensive system than the Aints…I am not fooled by that 3rd ranked pass D…Rueben Droughns could have a nice day…if someone will block for him…

I see this game as a lot of running and trying not to make mistakes…you know Romeo will hand the ball off to Rueben and try to manage the clock…he doesn’t want to put his young QB into a position to make mistakes…I think Sean Peyton, who learned from Parcells, will do a similar thing on the road. While Brees is a veteran, he will want to try to keep mistakes to a minimum and find a way to win the first game and maybe get the offense on a roll…Cleveland should be a small home favorite and the over/under should be in the high thirties (38)…I never touch games like this…”The Man” has this game at Cleveland -3 and the total at 35.5 – I told you I wouldn’t touch this game and I meant it…

Seattle @ Detroit

Seattle hits the road and visits the Detroit Lions…Seattle is a very good football team and last year they learned how to win on the road. They play solid D and hand it to Shaun…I can’t argue with that game plan…lucky for them, the chances of Detroit stopping Shaun are as about as good as a Dominoes pizza driver getting through the fat farm with all his pizzas intact…I actually think Stevens is a big loss for the Hawks…he is solid and Hasselbeck’s safety blanket…

Detroit comes into this game with Kitna at the helm…while he is not spectacular, Matt Millen and company I think are hoping that he can cut down the mistakes and take advantage of the talent on offense, i.e. Roy Williams, Marcus Pollard, Kevin Jones, et al…I think he should help, but he is not the long term answer…

Seattle should be a road favorite by about 4.5…again, I would not touch a road favorite the first week of the season…the total should come in the low 40’s…again, I would not touch, although the over would be tempting if it is less than 41…”The Man” has Seattle giving the Lions 6.5 and the total at 45 – I think this total looks a little high to me, but maybe Detroit will actually be able to score this year…no play here…

NYJ @ TN

Your next big pillow fight of the early season places the J.E.T.S. Jets Jets Jets in one corner and the Tennessee “I don’t want to remember these” Titans in the other…here comes Chad with a hard left to Pac Man Jones behind…Kerry Collins responds with a hard pillow to the head of Jonathan Vilma…look out…Kevan Barlow is now in the game…I think you get my point…this game will be as exciting as watching Hall & Oates in concert in a dry county…which I have to admit that I was forced to attend once…but thank God it wasn’t a dry county and I actually knew the beer wench…my wife wondered how I could miss 4 songs taking a leak…so, that is the time it takes to chug 4 free beers…but I digress…

I obviously don’t see anything here to do…in other accounts, I gave this game to the hapless Titans, but I think I am going to rethink that…Kerry Collins looks to be the starter and Young will get a couple of series…and Billy Volek will be pouting on the bench because he lost his job…I just don’t see how either QB will be able to get into a rhythm…Collins hasn’t been there long enough to build a rapport with Givens or Bennett, who aren’t horrible WR’s…

I am guessing this game is real close to a pick ‘em game…and I don’t see how you can pick one of these teams…over/under should be around 36? I wouldn’t touch this game with any of your wallets…”The Man” is giving the J.E.T.S. Jets Jets Jets 2.5 points and the total at 36 – keep your money in your wallets on this one…

Chicago @ GB

The Chicago Bears travel to the heated tundra of Lambeau Field (hey it isn’t frozen yet)…the Bears will be a road favorite. I really hate to see Favre going through these pains. The Bears win this game, but it should be close…the Bears D will force some mistakes and the offense will do just enough to win…the problem is that if Favre can go a game without the mistakes, he is dangerous enough to win this game…

I put this line as Bears -4…and the total at a small 34…this is a stay away game if ever there was one…”The Man” says 3.5 and 35 – I haven’t changed my mind…stay away…

SD @ Oakland

The Bolts invade Raider nation…the Raiders are not a good team…Aaron Brooks will make some mistakes against the very solid SD defense…SD will be able to establish the run, which will help Rivers in his debut as the starter and leader of this team…I don’t see the Raider D being able to contain LT…

SD should be a favorite by about 4 or 5…I would stay away from this game simply because of the pressure on Rivers and I want to see how he handles it for a game or two…the total should be in the high thirties…I think both teams will try to establish the running game, thus making it a shorter game…I would not touch the total unless it is way off…”The Man” has SD giving 3 and the total at 39 – this looks low to me, but with Rivers getting his first start as the starter on the road I would stay away…